The Forest's Cry: Dharma Awakening
On the eve of their arrival at the great city of Mithila,
Vishvanmitra the sage, Rama and Lakshmana stop for their final night’s rest. A small
fire is made in little time. It burns with the branches and leaves cracking
beneath, releasing warmth into the air as the embers dance up into the sky.
Rama is content as he watches the fire, and listens while Vishvanmitra and
Lakshmana discuss the next day’s travels. Their time together burns into Rama
as he thinks back on the events since they left his father and home. There is
a soft hypnotic pleasure within him as he watches the flame slowly burn out. More
contemplation reaches him as he becomes anxious of the days to come, and the
conclusion of his adventure. The fire he so enjoyed watching slowly releases
its last ember up into the sky and Rama becomes deeply saddened. With his soul
still spinning, he quietly rises and moves into the forest for meditation in
private. Lakshmana and the sage sleep quietly.
…
Lakshmana rises quickly and looks around the camp. Closing
his eyes, he listens intently, trying to find a horrible scream that came from the
think forest. Trying to find another sound of similarity, his ears ring again; another distant and distorted scream echos in his head. He drops to the forest floor with
mute silence. He notices the fire died out several hours ago, and that his
brother Rama is nowhere to be seen. Vishvamitra sleeps silently near the dead fire.
After a short time of searching the area surrounding the camp, Lakshmana finds Rama meditation on a large rock in a small clearing in the
forest. The sky is slightly visible above him, and the light of the stars and
moon softly fall where Rama sits. Lakshmana sees this sight and becomes overrun
with peace, feeling as if a godly grace touches him from the sight of his
brother, just as the moon’s light envelops Rama. Content in that moment,
Lakshmana takes his position at the base of the rock and sits to guard his
brother. The memory of the scream he heard, just shortly, melts away.
...
Again, a disturbing sound echoes in Lakshmana’s head and he
stands up abruptly. Knowing without a doubt he heard a horrid scream, he draws
his bow. Rama does not stir, and that is what Lakshmana wants: his brother to
stay in meditation. Once again Lakshmana quietly walks into the forest towards
the noise. He continues until another disembodied scream echoes through the
forest, this time much louder. His blood freezes, and the warm night air
becomes chilled. He begins running towards the scream.
When he arrives, a horrible image greets him: a small
village burns. Trails of blood lead from the houses off into another part of
the dense forest. A blackened corpse lies on the ground between two of the village's huts.
It moves slightly, trying to crawl its way into the forest. Lakshmana rushes to
the person, hoping to save them. The moment Lakshmana reaches for his hand the
arm decays away into ash. Lifting its head slightly, the body looks at him with dark, colorless eyes. Blood drips from them in the place of tears. The body tries to speak, but
instead falls motionless into the arms of Lakshmana. The body dissolves into
cold ash. Horrified Lakshmana stands up and begins searching for other
survivors. Everything is dead. He heads into the forest, following the blood-stained
trail.
Another agonizing scream reaches Lakshmana. He pushes
himself faster to reach the cries. As he runs he notices a white figure on his
right flank. While still running with haste he turns towards the figure and
fires a bolt from his bow. The shot misses only slightly in front of the
creature. He stops as he becomes deeply horrified from what he sees. A slow-moving
pack of Pretas are accompanying him to the sound of the scream. Their small
white distorted bodies move closely to the ground. What were once greedy people are reincarnated into these small, disgusting shells. Their eyes were
blackened, mouths sown shut, and their slim arms, legs, and neck protrude out
from a swollen abdomen, also sown shut. They moan terrible noises as they all
turn to look at him, yet they continue like cattle towards the location of the
screams.
Lakshmana shakes away his disbelief, reminding himself that
if these Pretas are here, then there must be something equally as horrible
further ahead. Again, he starts towards the sounds, sprinting with all his
might. The urge to stop these terrible acts being inflicted on humans resonates throughout his being.
When he finally arrives, he sees a pile of burnt and
bloodied corpses lying in a giant pile in the middle of a clearing. Blood
trails from all directions lead to the bodies. There are several figures
heaving the bodies each direction, some depositing the corpses while others
drag and carry them away towards a large burning fire. Near the fire are limbs
and bones scattered around more dark figures. His body trembles as he watches
the daemons devour innocent people.
Rama appears behind Lakshmana, urging him to leave the
terrible sight. Rama tells him that there is nothing they can do to save the
villagers anymore, for if it was their Dharma, then it was long past. Reluctant Lakshmana and Rama leave heading back to the sage. They return to their campsite silently. As
they sit, Lakshmana prays deeply to Vishnu to judge and restore the balance of
karma to the villagers, Rakshasa and Preta he witnessed that night. As he does
Rama feels a flood of emotions and images rush into his mind of the events that
unfolded that night. He hears his brother's voice praying to Vishnu, although not
aloud. Rama’s eyes open to see the sage and the sun rise. As they leave, Rama
and Lakshmana say nothing about the events of the night to either themselves
nor the sage. A fiery passion for retribution and balance burns inside Rama as
he feels Lakshmana’s prayers continue while they walk to the city of Mithila.
Authors note's:
The enjoyment of dark twists and partial insights to events and story’s is something I thoroughly enjoy. That is, story’s that do not tell you everything, but leave speculations and bits of information about itself up to the reader to contemplate, deduce, and speculate. I draw my passion for this from the many hours I have spent enjoying horror movies, games and readings: some of my favorite readings come from dark fairy tales of my German ancestry, and the modern urban myths know as creepy pasta’s. Slenderman is one of those dark stories that grabbed a hold of my interests and fears very deeply.
Also, there is a certain pleasure for me to tell about minor characters or those who are not within the main spotlight of stories; such as Lakshmana, Karna, or Balarama. Most of my stories within this portfolio and this blog that are derived from my readings will include such renditions. Main character spin-offs are things I despise, not because they are bad, but rather because there are so many other characters and options for one to imagine and create that are in the background of major stories.
The Forest’s Cry: Dharma Awakening is the conclusion to week two’s story planning, although additions and amendments will surely be added to this and all pieces.
The enjoyment of dark twists and partial insights to events and story’s is something I thoroughly enjoy. That is, story’s that do not tell you everything, but leave speculations and bits of information about itself up to the reader to contemplate, deduce, and speculate. I draw my passion for this from the many hours I have spent enjoying horror movies, games and readings: some of my favorite readings come from dark fairy tales of my German ancestry, and the modern urban myths know as creepy pasta’s. Slenderman is one of those dark stories that grabbed a hold of my interests and fears very deeply.
Also, there is a certain pleasure for me to tell about minor characters or those who are not within the main spotlight of stories; such as Lakshmana, Karna, or Balarama. Most of my stories within this portfolio and this blog that are derived from my readings will include such renditions. Main character spin-offs are things I despise, not because they are bad, but rather because there are so many other characters and options for one to imagine and create that are in the background of major stories.
The Forest’s Cry: Dharma Awakening is the conclusion to week two’s story planning, although additions and amendments will surely be added to this and all pieces.
Source:
The Ramayana: A Shortened Modern Pose Version of the Indian Epic
Author: R. K. Narayan
Published by Penguin Group, New York, New York. 1973. Print (and Web).
Hi Todd! Your story made me feel like I was reading a mystery, and wanted to know answers. It made me think of how much I used to love reading Nancy Drew books as a kid. I also really liked how you described the setting. I could picture a small village being destroyed in my head. Your usage of the senses like smell made your story come to life. I truly enjoyed your post.
ReplyDeleteTodd - I love that you wrote this story with room for the readers, or audience, to speculate the rest, and that you’ve stayed true to this method of story writing throughout the weeks. I’ve been playing around with different ideas of stories because I’m very indecisive - it’s so cool that you already know what style of writing you prefer. I really enjoyed this story, and I look forward to reading more of your blog!
ReplyDeleteWhat I really liked about your story is the detail that you chose to put into it. I could picture the scenes in my head and I love the forest picture that you decided to use. The smells that you created brought a new light to your story and your writing style is so unique. I feel as if I leave out necessary details in my stories at times. After reading yours I have a better idea of what I would like to do in my next one.
ReplyDeleteHi Todd,
ReplyDeleteI really loved reading your story! It definitely kept me on edge about what is to come next. I admired the amount of detail you put into this story, allowing a reader like myself to visualize what is occurring. It's also really cool to see that you connected it to the story from the previous week. I will have to go back and read that story just to see how awesome that one was as well! Nice job!
The level of depth you add to the story is amazing. I really liked reading your passage. You incorporated a lot of imagery and personification. You can tell that you took pride in describing each character and making them important. Beyond just the characters, you made inanimate objects come to life. As a reader, I was really able to channel Rama and Lakshmana around the fire. It was almost is if I could see the embers coming off the fire. It was also very symbolic. I could see an example of foreshadowing. I saw this fire to be representative of Rama. A fire turns items into ash and right before Lakshmana is able to touch Rama he turns into ash. Furthermore, I would have loved to see Lakshmana carryout an epic battle scene by slaughtering all of the Pretas instead of watching the demons devour the rest of the people.
ReplyDeleteHi Todd!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story. I was intrigued by your great detail and description in the plot. It was one that completely painted a picture of what was happening! I just wanted to keep reading to find out what was next. I loved your description of Lakshmana and Rama around the fire, I think you did a great job of engaging your readers with the story characters in that. I wonder what it would be like if you created an alternate ending? Like maybe in some way Rama and Lakshmana can save the people? It would be interesting to see what you could do with that! Overall, this was a really great story! I can't wait to see what else you write! Nice work :)
Todd, this story definitely did make it where I wanted to keep reading and find clues or answers. As Dhara mentioned, the story did seem like a mystery and I think that the background on your blog and the image that you selected help add to some of the suspense. I love the detail that you put into the story and the vocabulary that you use throughout it. The detail adds a lot of imagery and makes the story seem so real and visible in my head. I loved reading the Ramayana so it was nice being able to take a break from the Mahabharata and go back and read some more about Rama and his epic. As Emma mentioned, it would be interesting if there was an alternate ending added indeed. I would be interested to come and read you next portfolio entry. Great work overall and awesome story writing!
ReplyDeleteThe dynamic between Rama and Lakshmana was my favorite thing about the Ramayana, so I was really excited to see what you’d done with this—especially since I hadn’t seen any other retellings focused on this part of the brothers’ journey. It was nice to see most of the emphasis on Lakshmana for once, since he’s such a complex character in his own right but mostly gets trapped in his brother’s shadow.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite things about this—and, objectively, possibly the best thing in general—is the atmosphere you’ve managed to create in such a small amount of space. It’s dark and moody and almost cinematic, in a way; your description is vivid and spot-on, making everything so easy to imagine. The use of short, separated scenes to build on each other and slowly ratchet up the tension is very nice, and totally nails that horror-story vibe you’re going for. Also, the way you used this episode to lead naturally to other events of the canon Ramayana is really clever; it was a great nod to continuity when Rama heard Lakshmana’s mental prayers to Vishnu, and the fact that that Rama finds himself filled with those prayers and the desire for justice was pretty perfect. Awesome, awesome job with this.
Todd,
ReplyDeleteYour story was well written. You did really well at allowing your readers to imagine what is happening with the story by your words. You display a very somber and creepy tone within your story and I like it. I think personally darker stories create more truth sometimes. They aren't covered up by little white lies but raw material. You author's note explaining why you did this and how you like your stories to be open ended was a good piece of information to know. You did such a good job at leaving your story left in a place that could make them want more. Anyone reading this story could tell the work that was put into it because you story is well constructed. I would like to see a second part to your story as you add on to your portfolio. I think you have a great foundation and expanding on what you have will be easy.
Hi, I thought you did a great job with your story. My favorite part was probably how detailed you were with describing things. There were so many vivid descriptions of every object that it really helped paint a picture in my head of what was going on. I found a typo in the third paragraph I believe might have been an accident. You typed "meditation" instead of meditating. Just thought I could bring that to your attention. I also found it interesting how your primary focus were characters that could be considered as background figures. It really helped give me more of a context of them being in the original story! I also think it is an interesting spin off you could do in the future. Maybe keep making up stories about the secondary characters and give them their own story lines. Eventually, they could become the main characters! Great work.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you jumped into the this story. The description of his hypnotic pleasure from watching the fire embers burn out was vivid. I related to that moment.
ReplyDeleteThe description of Lakshmana listening for his brother is great as well. I think these little details make a big difference on how well your story is received. If it is not believable, at least on some level, it will not be given as much consideration. Great job.
Oh nice, he walks around trying to locate the source of the scream. Then he notices that it is coming closer. “His blood freezes”. I like that bit. It gives me something that I can relate. Especially the freezing blood against the warm night air becoming chilled. I pictured him getting the chills on a warm summer evening. Like he is nervous, maybe even scared.
Tense scene with the body decaying before our eyes. Wow. I am a little lost about what is happening in the paragraph following the introduction to the Pretas. You introduce us to the idea that something terrible is present that attracted the Pretas. When we arrive to see a pile of bodies, What do I see? Is it Pretas or daemons carrying the corpses? Is the daemons eating people what has him trembling? The Pretas are creepy. I thought that was a great touch. What if you drilled down on the difference in a Daemon and a Pretas? A visual difference if one exists or, if there is no difference, calling one of the Pretas a daemon could help.
I like how Lakshmana is praying to Vishnu and Rama can hear those prayers. I think this is my favorite detail of your story. I plan on stealing that. I sometimes forget that Rama is Vishnu. Great job on that.
We have very similar writing interests. I agree, the darker side is more fun. I picked up on your creepy pasta/slender man/video game influences. I love that kind of thing. The creepier the better. Also, the minor character is definitely more interesting since the story has not been told. Very creative. I enjoyed this reading. Keep up the good work.
I really like how you you started your story. You utilized a great amount of description and imagery, so much that you could almost see the fire in the beginning. I also enjoy that you reflected Rama's sadness with the fire. As the fire burned out so did Rama's content. It was very symbolic. It would be great if you could add more background about the original story and characters in your author's note.
ReplyDelete